cars

This car can not really be awarded any paper bags according to our rating scheme. This is because the rating indicates how many paper bags a passenger needs to wear in order to ride in the car - however in this case there is not actually any room for a passenger. The manufacturers billed this three-wheeler as "The Ruler of the City Streets" - unfortunately they were referring to the city of St. Davids in Wales.

Clever use of a recycled bus shelter has allowed Renault to sell these contraptions for £17.95 at selected wine merchants and still make a profit of 83% on each one.

Well hats off to Honda for saving the planet - but was it really necessary to board up the rear wheels in order to get an extra 0.5 mpg?

In order to reduce their long waiting lists, Morgan had the choice of either increasing supply or reducing demand. They chose the latter. The Morgan 8 is actually a normal Morgan which is heated to melting point and crashed into an oak tree on the Malvern Hills.

Possibly the replacement for the equally unpleasant ATOZ - or possibly not - we don't really care to be quite honest. One of our readers, who we shall call "Mr X", but who's real name is Gordon Smith, reports that his wife's yellow Amica "looks like a malformed tweety pie crouching in the driveway" and that she would have been better off buying 6000 lottery tickets. We cannot help but agree.

An overwhelming combination of French arrogance, casual indifference and vast quantities of vin-de-table led the Renault designers to team up with a troupe of Albanian street performers for the design of the Vel Satis.

The clever folks at Nissan have designed this auto specifically for flood prone areas of central Europe, where its ability to sit semi-submerged in fetid flood waters and yet still flash its headlights to attract the attention of rescue boats gives it a significant edge over the competition.

Apparently the citizens of Monmouth (that's somewhere in Wales) love nothing better than scouring the streets for unpleasant cars. According to a local physics teacher (thanks Keith) this activity is also on the school curriculum and he regularly sends his pupils out around the town photographing suitable specimens (and pickpocketing elderly gentlemen) - the booted Mazda 121 shown on the left is one fine example (this one being shown with optional derranged sixth-former).

By extracting the DNA sequence of a bead of sweat from a Turkish sailor's armpit and feeding it into the factory prototype milling machine, Renault were able to release a model that fitted perfectly into their range without the need for an expensive design team.

Nissan is now part of the Renault group and that is really all that needs to be said about the new Primera.