cars

Bond cars were rather unsurprisingly owned by Reliant Motors when this freaky tangerine 3-wheeler was introduced around 1970. Probably no coincidence that this was a time in UK history when mind-bending drugs were a common recreational activity.

A recent independent survey showed that 82% of drivers in the UK cannot reverse their cars for toffee. Hence the Copen solution. This ingenious car has no front or back and can be driven in either direction by simply swivelling the driver's seat.

The Audi A2 is made entirely from Aluminium - not so unusual you'd think, however each A2 is actually constructed from 1760 cans of Vimto moulded around a Victorian bathing machine.

The new Honda Accord has a rather large boot overhang and a rather powerful engine. It has thus been calculated* that if the rear is loaded with 17 paving slabs it could be the first production car to be able to pull a wheelie. (*by someone)

Despite being well built, cheap to run and reliable, Kia have not sold many Shuma's in the UK. Do you know why? answers on a postcard...

Lurching round the roads like a giant gurning metallic hippo, this car is the perfect buy if your family consists of 6 sheep and children with stunted growth. The abundance of these re-processed freight containers has no doubt been fuelled by misers seeking tax breaks for crap vehicles. Note: this also applies to all other pick-up trucks in the UK.

Never the prettiest of cars from the outset, Subaru decided to up the ante in 2001 by adding the same sort of hopeless googly-eyed headlamps that failed so spectacularly on the Toyota Corolla. Unsurprisingly, a year or two later the company replaced the front with one less likely to scare small children, much to the disappointment of the aftermarket custom headlamp suppliers.

The sort of person that buys a Ferrari 360 to do the Paris-Dakar rally is bound to want one of these to do the school run. Economy is never a consideration to such folks, even so it's a sad fact that whilst standing stationary on the M25, these hulks actually achieve 0 mpg.

As David Coulthard hoovered the carpet in his Summer house, and bunnies hopped carelessly about in rolling fields, little did they know that in a factory not far away, 15 life forms were moulding a lump of clay that would one day become the 166. NB: please ignore the previous sentence.

The plans for this disturbing creation appear to have been processed through a dyslexic buffalo's digestive system then re-constituted using a broken spirograph set. The Tacuma, and other Daewoos, are now owned by General Motors and have been re-labelled with the Chevrolet badge in order to de-value the Chevvy brand.